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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24048136">Senses.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancedance_resolution/pseuds/dancedance_resolution'>dancedance_resolution</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>LegendsVerse [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post-5x10, addressing sara's emotions after she learns she might be permanently blind, and boy does she got a lot of them., ava and sara are supportive partners, follow up to 5x10, low key some of the 5 stages of grief but in the wronger order</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:01:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24048136</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancedance_resolution/pseuds/dancedance_resolution</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sara’s eyes jolted open when she was told that her blindness might be permanent. Her lids forcefully jumped as if they knew they had to awaken her irises and tell them that she was missing something important. </p><p>It wasn’t until her irises didn’t respond that it all began to feel real.</p><p>---</p><p>a follow up to 5x10 in which Sara and Ava process and cope with the news of the possible permanence of Sara's blindness</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>LegendsVerse [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857001</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>145</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Senses.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>After over five hours of writing and editing, I've finally finished this. Hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Sara woke up, she immediately looked up, her eyes darting about and searching for Ava. Her sight landed everywhere but where her love was. It was almost like Ava was invisible. And those sky-blue eyes which would have grounded Ava and silenced that fear of invisibility—those heavens were masked by clouds.</p><p> </p><p>Later, Sara’s eyes jolted open when she was told that her blindness might be permanent. Her lids forcefully jumped as if they knew they had to awaken her irises and tell them that she was missing something important.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t until her irises didn’t respond that it all began to feel real.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The concept of recovery was admittedly foreign to Sara. Most of the time, Ava was in charge of dealing with emotions—Ava coped, healed, and grew to understanding on her behalf. For every battle Sara fought with her fists, Ava’s soul undertook the equally taxing battle of processing what all happened. And when Sara’s soft touch melted into Ava, it was as if she absorbed the comfort Ava had achieved.</p><p> </p><p>No, relying on her girlfriend to handle emotions for her probably wasn’t healthy. But it worked for them. And when it didn’t, Sara just found other ways of dealing.</p><p> </p><p>Right now, “dealing” was letting boiling hot water from the shower run over her. Every inch of her skin stung, and she was sure that if she could see, it would be glistening red.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, she knew it wasn’t healthy. Ava would probably condemn it as a form of self-harm.</p><p> </p><p>And maybe it was the thought of Ava and what her concerned expression would look like—a concerned expression that Sara might never see again—that made Sara numbly reach out until her hand found metal knob to turn off the waterflow. Stepping out of the shower, she pressed a towel against her face. Its familiar texture was soothing, so she stood there until the pressure of the towel caused stars to dot the blackness that had replaced her vision.</p><p> </p><p>Her whole body shivered relentlessly from the cold as she stood there, thinking. Thinking about how the only times she wasn’t seeing pitch black, she was seeing death. Thinking about how she wouldn’t even have pictures of Laurel anymore. Thinking about how shaving her legs would probably be even more of a pain in the ass now. Thinking about that weird pit in her stomach that might be, she supposed, best described as hopelessness.</p><p> </p><p>But somehow, overpowering each thought was a sense of guilt. How dare Sara hold out hope that her sight might be restored? How dare she miss something she took for granted all these years, never really appreciating its power? How dare she wish for something some people never even got in the first place? How dare she let herself go like this, let herself boil and then freeze while indulging in self-pity?</p><p> </p><p>But even as that last thought resoundingly echoed in her mind, she couldn’t pull herself out of this state where her very being felt like it was frozen in a place that didn’t even exist.</p><p> </p><p>Because really, if she couldn’t see it and it didn’t growl like a hellhound, how could Sara be sure it existed?</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p>
  
</p><p>A careful knock on the door awoke Sara from her hazy swarm of doubts.</p><p> </p><p>“Sara?” she heard Ava call gently. “You’ve been a while in the shower, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”</p><p> </p><p>It took a second for her response to claw its way out of her mouth. “I—I, uh, yeah. All good.”</p><p> </p><p>Outside the door, Ava shut her eyes intently as she listened for her heartbeat. It acted as a metronome as she inhaled, held her breath, and exhaled soothingly. The air danced across her fingertips, which she had nervously brought up to her mouth. “Sara?” she repeated. “I’m coming in, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Though she heard no response, she quietly opened the door to find Sara clad in a black sports bra and pajama pants. She was crouching in the corner of the bathroom, her eyes squinted as if sight were intently focused on something on the floor just ahead of her.</p><p> </p><p>“Baby,” Ava said, rushing to lower herself next to Sara. “You’re shivering.” Ava tentatively placed her hand on Sara’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m just cold,” Sara muttered.</p><p> </p><p>“Did that touch trigger a vision?”</p><p> </p><p>“N-no.”</p><p> </p><p>Genuinely believing Sara this time, Ava sighed with relief. “Okay, please come with me, babe. When’s the last time you ate something?” she continued delicately as her arms eased Sara up.</p><p> </p><p>Her question was met with a blank yet apologetic look, so she called out, “Gideon? Can you please fabricate a meal for Sara? And orange juice or something in case her blood sugar is low?”</p><p> </p><p>Gideon’s “Yes, Ms. Sharpe” was tainted with the same concerned edge that Ava’s voice had borne all evening.</p><p> </p><p>Ava’s paced footsteps guided Sara to their room, and the faint touch of her hands of Sara’s arms helped Sara settle onto their bed.</p><p> </p><p>Despite her utter weakness and desperation, Sara felt the need to convince her girlfriend—or maybe herself—that she was still strong. “I’m not some fragile little bird, Ava. I can take care of myself.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sara, please, let me help you. I—I can’t let you go through this alone.” After a weighted pause, Ava’s footsteps echoed into the hallway in the direction of the food fabricator.</p><p> </p><p>Finally alone, Sara pressed her palm against her face. She threw her neck back, scrunching up her face in a futile attempt to suppress snotty tears.</p><p> </p><p>“Captain?” Zari’s soft voice said. “I thought I heard crying from the hallways, so I just wanted to check in.”</p><p> </p><p>After pausing in a fruitless attempt to suppress her exasperation, biting words erupted from Sara. “Zari, I’m blind! Possibly—probably—forever. I can’t see Ava anymore and I can’t see my ship anymore and I can’t tell if anything around me is real. So if you want to check in? I’m fucking <em>crumbling</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Zari’s voice was closer when Sara heard its response. “When Behrad died, it felt like my world was caving in.” Zari’s took a centering breath before continuing, “Can I offer you some advice?”</p><p> </p><p>“No!”</p><p> </p><p> “What’s—Oh, Zari. Sorry, I heard yelling and came rushing in and—Sara!” Upon seeing the heated tears that were clinging to her girlfriend’s blotchy face, Ava hurried to sit next to Sara. Silently mouthing “Thank you, but I’ve got it from here” to Zari, she began to reassuringly stroke her arm across Sara’s back.</p><p> </p><p>With a nod, Zari receded from the bedroom, gliding the door shut as she exited. She understood that Sara didn’t mean to lash out. Sometimes pain just did things to people.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“I guess I understand that whole catharsis thing now,” Sara said weakly. She was sprawled out on the bed, the left half of her body collapsed on top of Ava. After Sara had finished crying, her eyes completely drained of tears, the steady expanding and contracting of Ava’s lungs had lulled her into a comfortable state that was edging closer and closer to contentment. The fog that had been concealing her rational thoughts began to lift, and she found herself growing increasingly more calm as Ava’s fingers affectionately ran through her tangled hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you. For dealing with all this, I mean.”</p><p> </p><p>Ava responded with a tender kiss on Sara’s forehead.</p><p> </p><p>Sara rolled over, now on her back and facing the ceiling just as Ava was. “What are you seeing right now?”</p><p> </p><p>“Our bedroom’s ceiling. The gray paint is warmer than usual because the only light on is my lamp. There’s a white fire sprinkler in the peripheral of my right eye, and the white air vent is in my left’s peripheral.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is it nice? Do you like looking at it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” she said, but her vision shifted towards Sara as she spoke the words. “You’re nice to look at too.”</p><p> </p><p>A now smirking Sara hummed in response as she began to drift off to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Ava didn’t let Sara sleep for too long. “I wanted to let you rest because I know how emotionally exhausted you must be, but I’ve been doing some research and apparently as a non-light-sensitive blind person your circadian rhythm is susceptible to—"</p><p> </p><p>“Ava?” Sara whispered feebly.</p><p> </p><p>Concern creased Ava’s brow as she responded with a quieter “Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“What about when I forget what you look like? I’ve only seen you in visions twice, and both time you were, um…”</p><p> </p><p>Ava paused for a moment, Sara’s words unintentionally stinging her. Her face began to contort into a defeated look and—oh. Typically, this is when she would stop herself, tell herself to be strong for Sara. But now? Well, Sara couldn’t see her countenance anyways.</p><p> </p><p>Ava sat up, and Sara followed the action. Feeling steadier—both physically and emotionally—she turned towards her love. “Because Ava, while I’m not resigning to this, I’m also not wearing those rose-colored glasses. They don’t even have a vision to taint anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“And what if? What if I forget how your face looks when you have that stupid giddy grin? What if I forget how your eyes pierce into mine like I’m your beacon, your lifeline? And what happens when your descriptions of how things look meld into my memories until all my mind sees is scraps of adjectives and the dregs of important moments? Will my memories be fake then? What then, Ava?”</p><p> </p><p>Thick silence formed a pall over the room until Ava’s tentative voice cut through. “I don’t know. I want to give you an answer, but honestly, I don’t know. I never will. But as someone who has experience with false memories—”</p><p> </p><p>Ava heard a sharp intake of breath, signaling that Sara was about to apologize for accidentally bringing up the sensitive subject. But Ava continued before she could interrupt. “—I can tell you that it’ll be okay. Just how your past as an assassin doesn’t define you, neither do your memories, or lack thereof. I’m sure it’ll hurt like hell if you start losing mental pictures, but Sara, your memories are just one small part of who you are. Just as your vision is only a small part of you. Babe, you helped vanquish a hellhound with just your hearing and bad-ass legs. I mean, okay, there are five senses right? You’ve still got smell, hearing—”</p><p> </p><p>Ava’s increasingly passionate speech was interrupted by the feeling of Sara’s fingers gently sweeping across the slope of her neck, making their way up to her face. Their slow, seemingly unprompted movement mildly amused Ava. “What are you doing?” she asked, giving her girlfriend a fond look.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, Sara’s thumb brushed over her lip, the sensation making Ava’s heart swell. Immediately following was a forceful kissed, pressed against Ava’s lips as if the world depended it.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you,” Sara exhaled, her tone painting the phrase as if it were the most crucial thing to ever be uttered.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too. God, I love you too.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Sara was making progress. Yes, when the hallways were too quiet, she still gripped Ava’s bicep as if she were holding on for dear life. And when the floor beneath her changed from carpet to tile, she still tightened her grasp on Ava’s waist as if only it could anchor her.</p><p> </p><p>But progress was progress, no matter how slow. And for every little regression or stall, she knew Ava would be there for her.  </p><p> </p><p>The couple began adjusting to the new normal. And within two days, the old normal had practically seamlessly adapted into the new circumstances. Their dymanic returned; the remarks that made Ava blush, the comments that would make Sara raise her eyebrows with a knowing grin—they (not-so-)gradually returned to their conversations, weaving back in as if they had never been painfully absent. Ava’s hand grazing across Sara’s ass no longer startled her (thank god), and the gorgeous tension existed between them once more.</p><p> </p><p>It had been two nights since Sara first learned that her blindness might be permanent. As she and Ava settled into bed, Sara thought back to what Ava had told her about living with the other four senses.</p><p> </p><p>“You know,” Sara murmured, a smirk growing on her face, “you never got to telling me about the last two senses yesterday, when you were reminding me what all I can still do.” She shifted her hips and legs until she was on top of Ava, straddling her.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mhm,” she hummed as she trailed kisses down Ava’s neck.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess you have to tell me about them then.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mmm,” Sara said as if she were pondering the suggestion. “I think I’d rather show you.”  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading :) Comments and kudos are appreciated as always, and feel free to (*cough* please *cough*) rant to me about Avalance and theories in the comments. </p><p>Please do not repost my work anywhere.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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